Intro

Well, I guess this is it. Time for the cold hard truth about who I am and why I'm writing this blog. Now I just need to figure out where to begin.

Back in 2006 I had breast cancer, but let's not focus on that right now. They say after you survive cancer you make serious changes to how you live your life. I suppose to some extent that was true for me. I started living a happier and to some extent healthier life. But the truth is, I really have no idea whether or not I'm living any happier a life, in fact, things feel worse, not better. Let me explain.

I am the mother of three kids. A 16-year-old girl, and two boys, 5 and 7. They love me a lot, they hate me a lot.  Lately, I feel like I spend more time punishing them for misbehaving than I do sharing in fun times.  I have an almost permanent scowl on my face. Sad, but true. I have the wrinkles to prove it. I'll post a picture some time.  Anyway, this is unacceptable to me. I want to spend more positive time with my kids. How? Who the heck knows? Guess we'll be finding out together.

I have been with my husband for 14 years, married for eight of those years. Things haven't always been easy, not by any means. We somehow always manage to get through it, whatever "it" may happen to be.  Don't get me wrong, my husband is my best friend. He is the one I think to call when I want to share something, good or bad.  I suppose you could say I want more out of my marriage and I figure if I put more into it, I'll get more out of it. I just don't know how to go about that...yet.

There have been issues with friendships as well, but I'll save the details another day. For today, let me just simply say, I've lost people who I once felt close to.  People whose parting words, "I can't be friends with someone like you." have left me reeling. Someone like me how? What is it about me? So, here I am, soul searching trying to figure it all out.

That's the character part I want to improve upon. Be a better mother, wife, and friend. Basically, find that happiness. Stay with me and we'll see how it goes.

Then, there's the physical me.  I am 38-years-old and no where near in the shape I want to be. Currently I'm 190 pounds. This fluctuates from 188 to 192 depending on the day. My goal weight is 140. I want to be able to run after my kids and dog without wanting to die after 20 minutes.

I was in a much better place almost two years ago. I had gotten down to 178, was working out six times a week, and had motivation. As it turns out, I was motivated by an external source and when it went away, so did my motivation.  No more. Now, I'm doing this for me.

My ultimate goal: Be the Me I was always meant to be!